outburst

i knew it!i should have slept early. i should not have opened my laptop. i should not have browsed thru some files. i should not have opened some websites. (i should not have opened some accounts.)i know it's my fault and there's no one to blame. it's just me, myself and i. hahay!

sudden burst of emotions once again. unhappy emotions that is. it's this kind of feeling that i hate the most. when you suddenly feel the urge to check on something when you know it's no worth anymore. when you know you can't turn back time. when you know you simply can't do anything about it. when you know, it's out of your hand and out of your reach. when you know, you're already living separate lives. when you know, you're not one anymore but two strangers instead. when you realize all along that things were not okay and you're left unguarded. when you want to just live happily but memories are haunting and you seem can't live a normal life. when you want to just be with the person but he is pushing you away. when you want to make up for all your mistakes but you're not given a chance. when you suddenly feel worthless and useless inspite of the blessings pouring. when everything sinks in again and you find yourself alone because you both built your dreams together. when you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and everything becomes blurry and the path that you used to walk on seems dark.

you see, you're not part of me anymore and i'm not part of you!and why the hell am i allowing you to rule over me?why do i feel this sudden outburst when all this time, my life was all about blessings?i do feel sad. i feel sad for you. i actually pity you. coz even if i feel all these nonsense, i am still sane. and i know i should be thankful because i have been strong. i have been faithful and hopeful. maybe for us (only God knows) or maybe for someone else.

one thing i noticed though, when im at this state, i am all the more aware of the good things that came after. so maybe i need this from time to time :D either to remind me of the blessings or to keep me in touch with reality. that i am still human and i am still healing :)